The number of overweight Americans continues to rise. By some estimates two-thirds of American adults are already overweight. What's the cause? Genetic factors? Overeating? Sedentary lifestyle? American's penchant for sweet, deep-fried and fattening foods?
No, it's those dang Girl Scouts! That's right, every year they tempt the American public with delectable cookies. If they had just one or two choices we could write it off as an attempt to raise funds. But with their wide selection of irresistible delicacies it's gotta be a conspiracy to fatten us up. Don't believe me? Oh, just go ahead and try to tell them you're on a diet and couldn't possibly buy their wares. They'll give you those puppy dog eyes of theirs and guilt you into giving up your cash.
Answer me this: if it's really to raise funds, why don't they tell you the money goes toward their feminist indoctrinations? Huh? You didn't really think they baked all those cookies themselves, did you? Oh no, they enslave those poor little male Keebler elves to do all their dirty work for them!
Oh, but they only sell them for a season instead of year-round. If their hidden agenda were to fatten up Americans, they would sell them all the time, you say. Don't you see? That's the genius of their plan! If they were always available it would be easy for you to turn them down because there'd be no impetus to buy right now and stock up for the whole year. Let's face it, you know you buy more boxes of cookies than you could possibly eat in an entire year ... or so you think. Am I right or am I right? But you know what happens, don't you? Uh huh, you eat them all up in six months or less, one box per sitting, and gain an extra 30+ pounds every year that you couldn't possibly take off in the remaining time before you buy your next supply.
So what's your favorite? The Thin Mints? The Samoas? Are you a peanut butter or lemon freak or are you a more traditional shortbread or chocolate chip person? Don't you see? They have all the bases covered. When you drool at their website, go ahead and click on the nutrition facts, as though there were any nutrition in those evil temptresses we call Girl Scout cookies. The average number of calories for just one single, solitary cookie is over 50! That means some boxes have 1200 or more calories that you're downing in that one sitting. Oh, the cellulitic horror of it all!
So the next time a seemingly defenseless, cute little cherubic Girl Scout comes to your door with her only hope for the survival of her organization, just say no. Stop the madness. Do it for yourself. Do it for America!
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